His Secret
by Glyphron
Summary: There is an unspoken reason why Fenris had left that night... (One shot.)


There was an unspoken reason why Fenris had left that night. A secret he kept guarded underneath everything and tried hard to never think about. Sometimes he would forget for a time, especially when she came offering a distraction from his mind with conversation or a task she desired his aid with. And, often, he would regret walking away as her presence brought him comfort, peace, even joy. Good feelings he relished and had never felt before she came into his life.

But, sooner or later, it would come creeping up again. He would remember it, or worse, experience it yet once more. It did not necessarily make perfect sense, both in nature and the reason why it happened to be his greatest fear. However, it just was. And it was something he could hardly take.

IT was a nightmare. Something that haunted his sleep every so often. Just enough to KEEP him afraid. He had first suffered from it that same night he had found himself caught in her loving embrace and the throws of passion.

As they had lain side by side, facing one another, his right hand held gently by her hands, she had drifted into sleep. It was then as he gazed on their hands entwined, that the memories and the pain came. The physical agony his markings wrought on him had come from those memories as they filled his mind and not her touch.

Closing his eyes and bracing against their intrusion, they were fleeting. Coming and going, shifting, and taking his thoughts in no particular order. And, then, they were gone like a breath exhaled. The terrible burning in his lyrium stained flesh, slowly died down, leaving him exhausted. Unintentionally, he drifted off, too tired to hold out against sleep after such a relentless assault. Only to be swept away by this terrible dream as he succumbed.

It begins with her telling him he does not have to leave, and grabbing his arm. He reacts with surprise, his brands flaring up instinctively just as he had actually done. He turns and pins her to the wall, taking her by surprise in turn. Their eyes meet and in that glorious moment he relives the thrill that stirred within him, growing as she moves forward to offer him a kiss. As her lips caress him, a familiar laugh grates his ears, coming from behind.

Hawke does not seem to notice, but, Danarius is here and Fenris knows it. His entire being goes cold. She does not pin him to the wall like she had done, but continues to kiss him. At first, he jumps to the conclusion she has betrayed him, and he stiffens. She responds to this, asking what is wrong and, when he does not reply, sweeps her eyes about the room. But, they do not seem to see what Fenris senses. She repeats her question, her expression highly concerned and he realizes she is unaware of his Master's presence. As though she cannot see or hear his terrible existence within the room. She has not betrayed his trust.

Inside, he wonders what sort of dark magic this is. He tries to warn her, but cannot. His ears are again exposed to Danarius's harsh laugh.

"She cannot hope to comprehend the coming consequences of her actions, keeping you from me. Neither can you, my Little Wolf. You should not have run. You should not have gotten close to something you cannot keep."

Fenris scowls, growling with vehement hatred. Hawke let's him go, apologizing for upsetting him. Then attempts to comfort and reassure him with a gentle smile as she always does when he is uneasy.

"Kill her." Danarius orders.

Fenris tries to refuse, but somehow, his Master's voice makes him feel like he had before his escape. Like he had when this man had come for him against the protests of the Fog Warriors he had become familiar with. He feels... bound to do the will of his owner. That he has no choice.

But only part of him. The same part that seems to have control of his actions. The rest of him fights the need and desire to obey, trying to get his mouth to open and yell words of defiance. Those yells that are trapped inside turn to downright screaming at himself to stop as he flares his tattoos and reaches for her. Her eyes go wide and she is taken off guard, leaving her defenseless to his sudden attack.

He thrusts his fist through her sternum, phasing through cloth, skin, and bone. His screams of defiance now turn wild, just noises of terror and fury resounding in his mind as he reaches her thundering heart. She trembles with pain, and, from her eyes fall hot tears which bring his screaming to silence for but a moment. He pleads with himself not to do this, but he must.

Stomach violently sick by this point, he proceeds to crush her heart. The screams echoing in his skull are the loudest most disturbing sounds he has ever endured, only outdone by her own cries as he does this. His sanity starts tearing itself apart. On the outside, he only manages a grunt as he watches her slide down the wall, blood pouring from her chest. She reaches the floor and crumples into a ball, her arms crossed over her fatal wound.

On the inside he stares at this intolerable sight, drowning in sobs as he weeps. With a slight writhe and trembling exhale, she dies... He notices now, that she has been gently glowing this whole time with a soft but vibrant light. Only made aware of it as it fades away leaving a contrast of what was previous.

His heart is beyond shattered now, obliterated by this act of murder. He wishes to bend down, to caress her face just once before he turns to go, following his Master who waits for him reveling in this horrible enactment. A goodbye and a show of utter regret. But, he is not allowed this last request. On Danarius's word, he turns his back to her now lifeless body. His Master is there, just as he knew the man would be. He is smirking, his eyes hollow holes of blackness.

The whole world seems darker now. Fenris can feel his facial expression remain empty as he proceeds to leave with this demon. He could scarcely believe what he had just done. And he desperately wanted everything to just stop. To end.

He had known he loved her since the time he told her about the Fog Warriors from his past with whom she now shared the same fate. Hesitant to act upon it, he could not deny his feelings when he found it so easy to tell her something so painful. Even more so when she had accepted him anyway, giving him empathy instead of pity. Now she was gone, out of reach forever. He wanted to be the same...

Danarius stopped, turning before exiting through Hawke's front door and praising the broken elf he'd become for his crime. Reaching out, he took Fenris into an embrace and everything inside him writhed and twisted in that man's arms. Shrinking as far away as he could which was nowhere, and hoping with all his might his owner would die screaming one day.

Fenris had jolted awake that night, seeing her face and disconcerting darkness at her chest. He jerked up into a sitting position and grabbed hold of her shoulders, turning her on her back, only to find it had just been shadows pooling there in the dim light. She had stirred but not woken. He'd left her bed then, dressing himself and preparing to leave. To go so very far away they would never meet again.

But, he couldn't, not without saying something to her. Not without offering a goodbye to her before he departed. He had stayed, staring into the fire. Trying to erase all thoughts of his dream. And eventually, the time came when she had started awake at his missing presence. She had addressed him with gentle playfulness.

And he had told her that he was leaving, blaming the memories, refusing to tell her of his nightmare. Neglecting to even mention it. She was hurt by this decision, but, never yelled and it was the hardest thing he'd ever done to walk away. He , in no way, wanted to. But, his mind had rationalized that they were in danger.

Danarius was still out there, and no doubt on the prowl hunting him. He would never hurt her, he would tell himself that repeatedly. But, he could not keep from wondering if he were strong enough to keep that true. The Fog Warriors were evidence that his nightmare could become reality. He had fervently decided he could not allow this and that he must leave. But he had failed to do so.

He was in too deep and could not bear to truly leave. He could not leave behind the only place he had ever felt any sense of belonging to. Nor the one person he had learned to trust implicitly. He had lingered and the time came to face his worst fear.

Fenris had debated keeping the information of his sister's voyage to meet him from Hawke. If this were a trap and Danarius appeared, there would be no way that he could order such a terrible thing from him. There would be no chance she could be harmed by his own hands or his Master's. But, if it were a trap, he was also certain he would not escape it without her help. Eventually, he felt that he was forced to ask for her aid, it was the only way...

However, he solemnly swore he would die before he fell to any weakness in his will that his Master could provoke. And he prayed, for the first time, that he was strong enough and good enough to keep his word. This was something he could not stand to lose.


End file.
